Five Things New Moms Can Do to Care For Themselves

Hello and an early Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there! I will admit, I kind of used to dread Mother’s Day. When my kids were little, the last thing I wanted to do was take the three of them out of the house! The perfect Mother’s Day really would have been a day to myself or a date night with my husband. I wanted a day without nursing, diaper changes, wiping sticky hands or being touched. This didn’t mean I didn’t love my kids or enjoy being with them, it just meant I felt that a day “all about me” should have been a day where I didn’t have to be needed.   

This post today is especially for our new moms, those sleep deprived, unshowered, still in the same sour milk soaked shirt for the last two days goddesses just struggling for a tiny nap, a coffee in peace, and a break(Just one. Please? A tiny break?). I myself had three babies in 5.5 years, which for me meant that I nursed for 4.25 years straight and seven years total, and I didn’t sleep for what felt like a decade.

 

When we have a new baby, everything that we thought we knew about the kind of mother we were going to be often goes right out the window. Sleep deprivation can hit us HARD. If we’re not careful, we can end up cranky, mean, and unrecognizable to ourselves. And worse, we can end up sliding further into actual postpartum depression.

Here are five really important things that new moms should aim to do in the postpartum period to keep their sanity and to stay their best selves. 

1. SLEEP (yes, I’m serious): Yes, yes, I know, you’re asking yourself, “Erin, is that a joke? Are you trolling me?” I completely understand that what I’m saying here seems insane and unattainable. My oldest two kids didn’t go to sleep on their own and sleep through the night until they were each two years old, and they’re 23 months apart sooo…you do the math. But when it comes to our mental health, sleep is crucial. In fact, we could argue that it is the most important factor in managing and preventing depression symptoms in new moms. Everything seems so much worse when we’re sleep deprived. Our brains need sleep to help us regulate our emotions, consolidate memory, repair our bodies, and boost our immune system. When I work with a new mom who is struggling emotionally, the first thing I ask about is her sleep. Oftentimes just increasing her hours of sleep can really help with depression symptoms. Get creative here – take naps during the day, encourage your partner to help at night (even if you’re nursing – there is a role for dads here too!), hire a nighttime doula if you have the means, or ask a friend or relative to come help during the night or hang out during the day so you can nap. Remember that the newborn stage is temporary – I swear you will sleep again! – but preserving your sleep as much as you can will go a long way in feeling stable.   

2. Eating food and drinking water: This one seems silly, because of course you’re going to remember to eat…except maybe you’re not. That whole sleep deprivation thing can throw you completely off course, and when we’re so busy taking care of a baby, it’s really easy to forget about ourselves. You would be surprised how often I ask a new mom when she last ate and she can’t remember her last full meal. Try to prepare for this in advance – prepping freezer meals before your baby is born, asking visitors to show up with food, or having take out menus/websites within easy reach are all good ways to remember to eat. And keep a fun water bottle by you at all times – especially if you’re nursing!

3. Showering & changing your clothes: I know, I know, you’re thinking “this lady’s got jokes!” but I promise the effort to do this is worth it. Just taking a shower and putting on something else (even if that’s clean pajamas!) can do a lot for your mental health. I know your baby probably doesn’t want to be put down, but this is where your support comes in. Give your baby to your partner, your mom, your friend – whoever is available to hold her while you shower. Worst case scenario? Your baby really will be ok fussing for a few minutes. Make sure they’re somewhere safe, turn off the monitor (just briefly!), and don’t dally. It’s worth it for you to feel refreshed when you come back to them again. 

4. Going for a walk, listening to your favorite music, going for a Target run: Basically anything that gets you moving and helps you remember who you were before you became “mom”. We know that exercise can boost mood and actually help with exhaustion, and fresh air can help you feel like a brand new woman. Also, a huge piece of the puzzle with PPD is adjusting to a new role. The transition from “adult woman who does what she wants” to “mom ruled by a tiny baby” is often abrupt and all consuming in a way no one expects. Getting out and into your “normal” (if somewhat modified) routine can do a lot for your mental state. 

5. And finally, talking to people about how you’re feeling: And when I say people, that can mean your partner, your mom, your sister, your best friend, and, if necessary, someone like me. The first two weeks after delivery, it’s normal to feel teary, tired, and to have our mood shift frequently and abrupting –  we call this the “baby blues” and it’s a combination of postpartum hormones adjusting and a lack of sleep. During this time; however, your self-esteem shouldn’t change, your sense of humor should remain intact, and you shouldn’t feel a sense of deep sadness or have thoughts of hurting yourself. If any of those symptoms are present or if your feelings last beyond two weeks, it’s no longer considered the baby blues, and we are firmly in postpartum depression territory. If that happens, please find a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health, such as yours truly!     

The postpartum period is such a terrible, beautiful, difficult, wonderful time. I never ever tell new moms “You’re gonna miss this” or “You better soak this up” or any of the other very well meaning things we seem to tell new moms when they’re struggling. My kids are now 17, 15, and brand new 12 and honestly? I don’t miss it. Do I sometimes miss nursing a baby back to sleep at 2 AM, in the dark and quiet with me and her as the only ones awake in the world? Absolutely. Are there days when I want to snuggle my kids again and breathe them in and let time stand still? 100%.

But do I want to do it every night for four years in a row again? No ma’am, I do not. 

This Mother’s Day, I am thrilled to spend it with my kids. My time with them is no longer marked by emotional or physical labor, and I get to just be with them, which is honestly so great. They’ve become the most amazing people and our family dinners out bring me such joy. You will find me Saturday night at Independent Brewing, eating nachos and drinking beer! Happy Mother’s Day to me! 

Please, take care of yourselves! You deserve to feel good and to enjoy this time as much as you can. You brought a new life into the world! You are amazing! Don’t forget to treat yourself that way.

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Erin Newton, LCPC, PMH-C is a life-long resident of Harford County, Maryland. She’s a mother to three girls and has been married to her best friend for twenty years. She has been a therapist for over a decade and in that time has worked with 100’s of individuals, couples, and families during some of life’s most challenging chapters – welcoming a new baby, navigating postpartum emotions, managing anxiety, processing traumatic events, and rebuilding connection between partners. She specializes in birth trauma, maternal and perinatal mental health, first responder wellness, anxiety, OCD and relationship and connection issues. She is a quilter, retired marathon runner (twice!) and has been rockin’ rainbow hair since the fall of 2020. 

She has immediate openings for new clients in both Maryland and Pennsylvania for both individuals and couples and can typically get an intake scheduled in a week or less. She is out of network with insurance so that together you can determine how much treatment you need, but can provide a Superbill for reimbursement and accepts an HSA card for services.